School choice causes homework headache

Parties, family dinners, and Christmas shopping tapered off in January to a few scattered events, and I was craving some quiet weeks. Then what to my wondering eyes should appear but a forwarded email alerting me to Milwaukee Public Schools’ Three-Choice Enrollment and that I had only a few weeks to choose up to three public schools for our daughter. She is eligible for 3-year-old kindergarten or “K3” this fall.

I had three weeks to investigate and discuss with my husband, making me done with holiday shopping but suddenly in the throes of school shopping. It wasn’t a matter of going through a checklist and I felt fairly in the dark about the whole process.

The high number of young children in Bay View causes a lottery system and impossibly long waitlists at some schools. Just like our neighborhood’s most popular day care centers have years-long waiting lists, popular schools turn away child after child.

It is a demographic oddity that many of Bay View’s blocks have only one family with children in middle school or high school, yet those blocks are likely to have multiple families with newborns and young children.

The amount of school types is a bit daunting—the ones which pertain to us include neighborhood schools, neighborhood specialty schools, charter schools (both MPS and non-MPS), and citywide specialty schools. For other situations the contracted agency schools, partnership schools, and Head Start programs all apply. High school parents have lots of options, too.

Minority parents can look beyond MPS through the Voluntary Student Transfer Program (or “Chapter 220”) and all parents can consider the Public School Open Enrollment Program available throughout the state. Other parents choose private schools and homeschooling.

The alternatives probably lead to a good fit for most families, but the choices can be dizzying to parents. Many parents may not even realize that K3 is a local option, or that the Montessori system forces a “now or never” choice because children without a Montessori background cannot transfer in during later years.

My husband and I discussed whether we were looking for a school for the first two years—what we call preschool and the system terms K3 and K4—or whether we were trying to choose an elementary school.

I found myself thumbing through the MPS School Selections catalog the way some children treat a Christmas toy catalog, marking off interesting pages. Would this school with its art focus be better, or that one with its science emphasis? Do they have K3 and/or K4, and is it part of the day or full day?

I started off lacking information but became inundated with data when I downloaded reports from the most recent MPS District Report Card.

Trying to rank values was confusing: diversity versus discipline versus an emphasized subject or teaching style. Within each criterion, I encountered more confusion and probably some overanalysis: How much diversity would be enough? Was some minimum percentage sufficient?

Parental convenience could be important. I stumbled across the fact that the charter school Downtown Montessori Academy, which is located in Bay View, starts instruction at 8:45am, while other local schools we considered start class at 7:45am. Earlier drop-off incurs a fee. More factors come into play with start time because my husband and I share one car and commute together on the days I work downtown.

I talked with like-minded parents and we traded what we understood to be the way the system works and what we had learned about various schools, and even shared rumors of four-hour evening waits at the central office.

Then we turned in our applications, waiting for the results like our children anticipate Christmas.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Baby New Year — Welcome Georgia Lessene Rhodes

Baby New Year

Already a Packer backer

The Green Bay Packers have a tiny new fan and Bay View has a tiny new resident: Georgia Lessene Rhodes. She was born Jan. 3 at 10:03am to Meghan and Jeff Rhodes.

Meghan watched the Jan. 2 Packers-Bears (W 10-3) game during labor and was glad to have the distraction from her pain. Since then, she and Jeff have dressed their little one in a Packers onesie for each playoff game (Georgia is 3-0).

Georgia’s middle name honors her maternal great-grandmother, Lillian Lessene Horton, who was known as “Seenie.” Georgia’s parents have nicknamed her “Monkey.”

She is Meghan and Jeff’s first child, though they consider their dogs Parker and Miles like children and siblings to Georgia. The dogs have adjusted well to having the baby in their home. “We call Parker ‘co-mom’ because she always goes where Georgia goes,” Meghan said. Parker even watches diaper changes.

A few neighbors and friends have visited, and the family has ventured out from their home on Linebarger Terrace to Café Centraal, Stone Creek Coffee, and St. Francis Brewery and Restaurant. “It’s so cold, it’s hard to show her off. Once the weather is nicer, we can actually take her on walks, which will be nice,” Meghan said.

Meanwhile, they are spending lots of time at home and enjoying Georgia’s idiosyncrasies. “Although her personality hasn’t developed quite yet she does a few cute and silly things. Georgia lets out a big cry at the end of every yawn, and makes a pouty face when she is done eating,” Meghan described.

If you wish to lay claim to a “Bay View Baby New Year” born earlier than 10:03am Jan. 3, let Katherine know at editor@bayviewcompass.com.

Personal desegregation hard to accomplish

As I look around my circle of family, friends, and coworkers, it’s almost all white faces looking back at me. I see scant diversity whether I’m on our block; at a local business; or at the park, office, gym, or church.

It doesn’t seem right and is an all-too-common pattern in our neighborhood and city.

Depending on who does the analysis, Milwaukee and surrounding counties are either the worst or second worst areas on a segregation index based on the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey statistics. University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee researchers criticized the methodology but my life bears out that local segregation is severe.

The city’s racial divide damages its children in palpable ways: In Milwaukee, an African-American baby is three times as likely to die in the first year of life as a white infant. By way of comparison, a black infant has worse odds here than does a child in 56 other countries.

Racism is considered one of the contributors to the poor odds for local black babies, according to the Lifecourse Initiative for Healthy Families. Research shows that chronic stress from racial discrimination can harm both a minority mother and her child.

Lifecourse funds and organizes people in four Wisconsin cities who are working to address black infant mortality. At one of their events, I ate a sandwich with other attendees and told them it’s one of the few meals I have eaten with a black person in Milwaukee. Sitting in the meeting itself among such a racially mixed professional audience also felt unusual, but refreshing.

The group inspired me to desegregate myself in some small way and start seeing a wider variety of faces. I thought it would be great for our daughter, too.

Meeting more minorities became my New Year’s resolution. I take my resolutions seriously and I started early so that I could share it with you this month. The effort itself and writing about both feel awkward, but nothing will change if I make no attempt.

While realizing that diversity means more than simply race or only black and white, I decided that connecting with more black people would be a reasonable starting point. I started thinking of ways to meet more black families, especially situations which might give us a chance to really talk with-not just sit next to-these families.

I tried an activity our 3-year-old and I could do together: library playgroups. We enjoy the Bay View Library playgroup but the attendees are white with few minorities. Blacks in particular are missing: I do not recall seeing any black parent-child pair during a year of fairly regular attendance.

We attended a Saturday morning playgroup at Central Library and found it diverse and comfortable. Like most resolutions, it wasn’t without some sacrifice: I compromised my Saturday-morning workout in favor of the playgroup. For years, I have diligently exercised almost every Saturday morning.

At a Wednesday night playgroup at Forest Home Library, we met a nice mother-son pair. I wondered if my daughter would comment on his skin color, but she didn’t raise the issue. I was more prepared than in August when my daughter asked of a concrete installer, “Why is his skin dark, Momma?” That time, she had repeated the question louder while I pondered my lousy answer.

Meanwhile, I read a Babble.com article about introducing diversity to curious children and adapted its recommendation to start broaching the topic of racial differences by talking about things like balloons (different colors yet all balloons).

The idea initially struck me as goofy, but the words came freely a few days later. In the park I pointed out a birch tree and mentioned that its bark is lighter than other trees. Comparing dog breeds was another “teachable moment.”

All in all, this seems to be one of those aspects of life which can’t be forced too much-I cannot order the universe to deliver a black family with similar values and complementary schedules who fit in with our existing friends. Good thing I have a year to work on this resolution.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

The Compass would like to recognize the first baby born or adopted in our neighborhood in 2011. Please contact the author at the email above.

Keeping sandbox friends

Four little girls sit on a blanket together, each looking a different direction, in a photo from the 2008 farmers market. The kids were within a month of age: twin sisters born in the previous October, a friend born a few weeks later, and my daughter born a few days after that. Frequent meetups were easy because the moms stayed home and could rendezvous in a park or walk to each other’s homes. Dads sometimes joined moms and kids in a Saturday convergence during that year’s South Shore Farmers Market, partaking in shared snacks and blankets.

Two years later, the photo gives me some twinges of sadness because our daughter is the only one still living in Bay View. The twins’ parents moved to Florida in fall 2008 and the other set of parents moved to New Jersey a few months ago. Our daughter still mentions that friend. Certainly, we parents can keep in touch via Facebook and email, but kids need friends within walking or driving distance.

Bay View is certainly no Reloville—an area with a high proportion of transitory residents whose jobs require frequent relocations as described in Peter T. Kilborn’s 2009 book, Next stop, Reloville: life inside America’s new rootless professional class. But I remain apprehensive about our cohort. As our children reach school age, which now can be as young as 3, will their parents bail out of the Milwaukee Public Schools system and flee to the better-regarded suburban districts? Will they decide they really want a backyard pool and choose one of Franklin’s more spacious yards?

Even starting kindergarten with a friend won’t mean that friend’s family will return year after year. I imagine some kids returned to classes last month without a close friend whose family chose another school or moved away.

I almost wish some kind of pact could address my concerns: The undersigned commit to staying in Bay View until such time as our children graduate from high school (or even until we retire—better yet, until said children move us into a nursing home).

When my husband and I purchased our Bay View home a few years ago, some suburban friends assumed it was our starter house because it’s in Milwaukee. On the contrary, I’ve always thought of it as our forever house, the place we intend to live the bulk of our lives. We’re here to live, not to invest in real estate.

I still regularly see one of my earliest friends, with whom I played as a toddler and rode side-by-side on the bus through high school. He also happened to land in Bay View and our conversations are enjoyable. There’s less worry about being politically correct, because we have known each other over 30 years.

Already, the other families’ relocations mean that our daughter won’t regularly see her very first friends. New friends have entered her life through her child care and another friendship, and I hope our daughter has a lifelong friend to complain to about her parents. And while we’re in Bay View, I hope we get to attend lots of birthday parties but only a few goodbye parties.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Enjoying open play

Perhaps there’s nothing cuter to a toddler’s mother than watching the precious one run full speed toward dandelions, pick some, then rush to present them to her mom.

I enjoyed such a moment a few blocks from home at South Shore Park, absorbing echoes from my own childhood 15 miles away and many years ago. I was hit with the realization that my role had reversed, thinking, “Wow, I’m the mom now.” The pure joy in our daughter’s face and body language were off the meter, yet the activity was so simple and free.

My husband and I make a point of occasionally taking our daughter outside into nature that’s truly natural, not always going to playgrounds constructed simply for children’s amusement. There’s nothing wrong with playground play, but the design does present predetermined patterns and artificial limits not found in a grassy field. Bay View is a great place for enjoying parks because most of us live within walking distance of ample public open space at South Shore or Humboldt.

My parents endowed me with a love of the outdoors, and my understanding of its importance for children was bolstered by the documentary Where Do the Children Play? Soon after viewing the film, I decided to spend time at a park, but not the playground. Our outing ended in tears.

Our daughter’s most bitter crying seems to be after a disappointment, and not visiting the playground a few hundred yards away was deeply disappointing. Since then we’ve used different words to set the right expectation: the park doesn’t always mean the playground.

If I could embark on the open play endeavor again, I’d start at an unfamiliar park out of view of a playground. That’s easy at a big park like Humboldt (especially since the playground has been temporarily removed). Toddlers’ parents sometimes bring kids to little-used tennis courts like at Sijan Playfield because the kids can head any direction but are kept safe by the fences.

Creating positive associations for open, natural play also helps. Picnicking, or at least bringing a favorite snack, can ease kids into the habit. For the kids who are “runners,” meaning they seem to love to bolt away, a flat area is preferable to a hilly one. Flat areas also allow the kids to get a little farther from the parents (while staying far from traffic and other hazards) but remain in eyesight.

Our outings are usually very happy ones now. After putting on shoes and getting a diaper bag, we simply head to the park and see what happens: perhaps the dandelions have gone to seed and we can blow a few. Last year, squirrels running up trees were thrilling.

On these outings, I suppress the urge to intervene when my daughter starts to get bored. She always finds a stick or some other amusement and it’s always one of the adults who declares that it’s time to go home. The practice of letting her think of something to do has spilled into playtime at home when I don’t immediately suggest something new. I think it gives my daughter’s brain some idle time.

I hope she allows herself downtime: I want her to know that she can sit on a porch, not doing anything particular, just being. Maybe it will save her some of the migraines I’ve suffered.

Parenting has helped me realize that I’ve got serious nostalgic tendencies. I prefer Mary Jane style shoes to Crocs and books with watercolor illustrations over computer illustrations. To me the deepest pleasures are the enduring ones: the activities which could have pleased kids one, two, three, or more generations ago. Simple pleasures like chasing a butterfly, piling sticks, singing, even digging a hole; and indoor activities like reading books, building, coloring, and cooking and baking together. These don’t require much preparation or expense; instead, they require two precious commodities: time and attention.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

A global goal for maternal and child health

I was jealous of the French because I’d heard that French women can use municipal daycare or even get subsidies for in-home nannies.

I said so at a recent dinner conversation in which my friends and I lamented how far behind the United States lags the rest of the world in terms of government support for maternal care.

Curious, after the meal I did a web search to learn more about the situation for mothers and babies around the world. As I read one disturbing statistic after another, my jealousy turned to chagrin.

Now I realize how lucky my family and I are.

For example, in the World Health Organization’s Africa and Southeast Asia regions, fewer than 50 percent of all births are attended by a skilled worker. It’s a figure that literally dropped my jaw, and I would really doubt its validity if the source weren’t the WHO.

It’s hard to imagine going through such an intense experience without a skilled worker at the bedside. To not have anyone-what a contrast to my birthing experience. My support team grew and grew as complications arose, until about 10 skilled workers performed their roles in an emergency C-section. It’s scary to say, but my daughter or I might not have survived without them.

In preparation for my daughter’s delivery, I completed a birth plan indicating preferences like whether I’d bring music to help relax me. But the reality of many women is disturbingly far from minimal maternal comfort or “having the type of delivery I want.”

The WHO reports that roughly two million lives are lost every year due to childbirth complications. More women are getting skilled help during their deliveries, but considering the scale of the issue that trend is small comfort.

In Bay View, my biggest worry is messier-than-usual diapers. People around the world struggle just to feed their children. Theirs is not a struggle to find healthy food, it’s a struggle to find any food. The consequences of failing in this struggle are awful: undernutrition causes about one-third of children’s deaths around the world.

With the World Cup concluding this month in South Africa, I turned to that country’s statistics to compare them with Milwaukee’s.

South Africa’s infant mortality rate was 48 per 1,000 live births, compared with Milwaukee’s rate of 9.8 per 1,000 births. The South Africa data are from 2008 and Milwaukee’s figure comes from 2007 information, the most current available.

My mind turns to a morbid sports-minded comparison: We’re winning. Our kids are healthier.

But there’s trouble here in Milwaukee. The numbers show that the percent of children underweight at birth, a major health factor, is about the same here and in South Africa. South Africa’s 2003 figure exactly matches Milwaukee County’s 9 percent reported in the 2010 County Health Rankings.

In our city, there’s a major racial disparity for infant mortality rates. The fewest deaths are among Hispanics, with 5.3 per 1,000 live births. For non-Hispanic whites, the figure is 6.2 deaths per 1,000 live births. For blacks, it’s 14.2, which adds up to a disparity the city Health Department is working to improve.

I’m also compelled to try to fix this, but I don’t know how to help other than share the numbers and donate to the WHO. It’s such a big issue.

That’s why a global partnership of organizations launched the Countdown to 2015 initiative in 2005. Its goal is to reduce child mortality and increase maternal health, measuring progress toward that goal in country-specific statistical reports.

I just wish the world turned its attention to this issue with the same fervor afforded to World Cup soccer.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

For worldwide maternal, newborn, and infant health care conditions, go to countdown2015mnch.org and click on reports.

For statistical health comparisons within the United States, go to countyhealthrankings.org.

For Milwaukee County infant mortality information, go to milwaukee.gov/WomenandChildHealth23777/InfantMortality.htm.

Going beyond the breastfeeding bill

As a nursing mom, I was painfully aware of being a novice. Despite having taken an evening class at the hospital to help me prepare, I struggled at first and felt unsure how to act in some situations, especially in public.

One particularly memorable feeding during my 11 months of nursing was at Mayfair Mall. I didn’t plan to be shopping long enough to need to feed our daughter, but there I was. I had never been to a mall with another nursing mom and had no idea where to find a comfortable spot. In the preparatory class, we were encouraged with a poem about “nursing anywhere,” but I didn’t know what would be appropriate and relaxing.

I considered taking our daughter out to the car, which I knew would be a squish for my tall frame, but decided to first ask at the customer service station. I was a little hesitant to walk up to a stranger and refer to my breasts, however obliquely. The man directed me to a department store’s lounge, which worked out well.

This spring, our governor signed a breastfeeding bill which stipulates a fine up to $200 for someone who harasses a nursing woman by telling her to cover up.

I think people who aren’t parents, or whose kids are more mature, should still encourage breastfeeding because health officials say it’s ideal for babies and mothers. Plus, anything that may help lower health care costs gets my vote. The new law is a great step and I think society could make nursing even easier.

Many nursing moms do not consume alcohol, but they can get tired of soda and seek something more festive. Many establishments do carry at least one non-alcoholic beer, but they could offer more fun, non-alcoholic beverages. One of the many alcohol-free wines now on the market would be appealing, and sparkling juice would be a reasonable alternative. These beverages feel fun without seeming childish. They would have broader appeal to all those abstaining.

Venues like malls could make good nursing facilities available and obvious. Directories could use a symbol to indicate good nursing locations with the understanding that women are free to nurse anywhere they find comfortable.

Our state’s rest areas could have a special area for nursing moms. I’ve tried to nurse in the passenger seat of a parked car and it’s no picnic, especially as the child gets heavier. (Try holding 10 pounds at chest level for a few minutes.)

Events that draw lots of families could have a designated nursing area, which I envision as a quieter location with comfortable chairs and ample drinking water. The only store I’ve ever seen with a nursing room is a Babies R Us in Brookfield, which has a few rocking chairs, magazines, and a diaper changing table near the restrooms. For stores that have the space, a special room wouldn’t require much overhead expense.

Even outdoor events that draw families with young children could get in the act. I envision a few rocking chairs and a table with a pitcher of water at places like the farmers market or Chill on the Hill.

Doctors routinely screen both the mom and fetus for many issues, but I haven’t heard of a check for nursing readiness. Some problems could be headed off by doctors or nurses making quick, non-invasive checks for treatable conditions in mothers planning to breastfeed. It would have saved me some pains.

Of course, we’d know things were really changing if Victoria’s Secret were compelled to offer a black, lacy nursing bra.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

What kind of parent does media make?

Each week, I record the show Dancing with the Stars to watch when I can find time to flop on the living room couch. I often find time on Tuesday nights after our daughter is sleeping. I enjoy the regular “brain break” that doesn’t spur thoughts about something I’d like to research or ponder.

After I watch the dancing show and the next-day results show, I’d have to watch over 30 more hours of video to keep up with the average American, according to Nielsen data. I’d also need to watch video on smaller screens to keep with the average consumption on computers and mobile devices, then log in for four hours of surfing.

With Mother’s Day this month and Father’s Day next month, I am thinking about modern parenting in the media. Parents aren’t looking too great these days, and reality shows are often catching them uttering outbursts at wits’ end. Of course, mistakes and mishaps keep the shows interesting.

Whether fiction, reality, or somewhere in between, today’s portrayals of parents are often of society’s oddities like unusually big families. The Duggars have an astounding 19 children. Jon and Kate Gosselin, who are currently separated, raise twins and sextuplets. Octomom Nadya Suleman was a regular topic on TV and radaronline.com. It’s easy to find families at the brink of disaster like those featured on over 100 episodes of SuperNanny.

Even cartoon parents are a bit off-kilter. On the long-running The Simpsons, dad Homer is often so upset that he strangles his son Bart, albeit comically.

Audiences are tuning in to new shows like The Good Wife, whose premise is a wife coping with the results of her husband’s public scandals, far from straightforward families like the Cleavers or Cosbys. Those parents seemed challenged by raising kids, yet not stressed or overloaded, and I’m hard pressed to think of similar parents in the media today. I spent part of last month peppering friends and family members for their nominees, and all of them struggled to think of suggestions.

Many current shows don’t resolve a problem in a single episode the way the Cleavers did. On Parenthood, challenges like a son being kicked out of school continue through multiple episodes. The effect is a lack of closure as problems fester rather than reach a tidy resolution by the episode’s end.

Knowing that so many families are in such dire straits that they need a SuperNanny-style intervention from an outsider probably makes parents feel better in comparison. Reading a blog from a mom who swore at her children in the heat of the moment might make us feel relieved that we’re not the only ones who’ve said something really regrettable. Given that kids are watching, too, this balm might come at the cost of impacting children’s impressions about how to parent and the power balance between children and adults.

Glowing screens are so pervasive in most households that the nonprofit Common Sense Media (commonsensemedia.org) considers media “the other parent.” The idea seems a bit jarring at first, but given that surveys reveal that even preschoolers (ages 2 to 5) spend an average of 25 hours per week watching TV, it’s a reasonable belief.

Parents need to unplug and treat kids to a reality show starring the folks in the living room.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Discovering green child care

Dong. Piiing. Beep. Beep. Beep. The soundtrack to modern childhood seems electronic. The amount of gadgetry for wee ones is astounding, and so much of it is powered by batteries and encased in Chinese-made plastic.

Our daughter seems to have fewer toys than many children I encounter, and I’m sometimes dizzied by the playrooms of other tots. Some kids seem to be wading in noisy, attention-grabbing toys. Our preference for wood or cloth toys meshes with an overall eco-friendly attitude. Fewer plastic, electronic noisemakers cause fewer batteries to need charging or trashing. Many people who subscribe to this line of thinking also strive to minimize television viewing and limit toxins absorbed through food, cleaners, pesticides, and other sources. These parents naturally seek child care that reflects these values.

When I searched for a daycare provider last August, I found myself talking with a stranger whom I suddenly wanted to hug. Not only did she have a part-time slot open in her care for three kids, she described her interest in minimizing plastic toys and serving primarily organic food. These are two “green” ideals our family follows and I lucked into finding child care just right for us.

Local families seeking eco-friendly daycare have no list to select from and Wisconsin has no formal definition of green child care. Programs do exist elsewhere. Indiana’s Department of Environmental Management has a three-tiered system of ranking childcare providers based on eco-friendliness. Since 2005, the nonprofit Oregon Environmental Council has operated an Eco-Healthy Childcare Program.

The principles involve educating families on eco-friendly practices and minimizing toxins from sources like art supplies and household chemicals. Oregon’s council shares information with childcare providers about avoiding chlorine bleach and replacing it with peroxide-based bleach, quaternary ammonium salts, or borax. On the food front, kids might snack on berries and drink water rather than eating jelly-filled snack bars and sipping sugary drinks. Instead of passively watching a video, kids in eco-friendly child care might scribble with Crayola crayons approved by the Art & Creative Materials Institute.

Childcare programs anywhere in North America can get endorsed by the Oregon Environmental Council’s program and over 1,300 have done so. Seven are in Wisconsin but none are in metro Milwaukee, so parents can’t simply click to find local green choices.

One Howard Avenue provider is affiliated with LifeWays House Childcare, part of a network that offers training for caregivers based on natural principles and research by Austrian philosopher Rudolf Steiner. The network is described at lifewaysnorthamerica.org.

I have identified three other green childcare providers in Bay View, but they are under-the-radar places without websites or business cards. Two bear names: green babies childcare and Bay View Ecokids, while the third is too informal to operate under a name. Customers are friends, neighbors, or people who got word-of-mouth referrals. Patrons are willing and able to afford the premium of roughly $10 per full day for the green approach.

Bay View’s eco-friendly providers seem genuinely green. They say they’ve chosen their philosophies based on their beliefs, rather than to ride the green surge and market to more parents.

Ginger Georger, who operates the Howard Avenue LifeWays, obtained formal training at the LifeWays in Riverwest but finds the approach natural. “I think I’m doing what any healthy home is doing right now…I just run my child care like I run my home,” she said.

Childcare arrangements like these take children a step closer to the childhood of the past, when “open play time” without electronic beeps was normal. I’m glad these places reach back to a time when chemical-free food was de rigueur, before it needed the special label “organic.”

I hope green child care develops into a lasting effect of the green trend, for the health of us all.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Share a room with your baby

One day in January, I was driving home from my parents’ house in that contented state of piloting a familiar route with light traffic. But a billboard on Oklahoma Avenue near the U.S. Post Office jolted me into annoyance.

The image replaced the headboard on an adult bed with a tombstone inscribed “FOR TOO MANY BABIES LAST YEAR, THIS WAS THEIR FINAL RESTING PLACE.” Below that was the statement, “The safest place is in a crib. City of Milwaukee Health Department milwaukee.gov/safesleep.” The image remains available at that website, but the Oklahoma Avenue billboard is no longer on display.

This dramatic billboard was part of the Milwaukee Health Department’s campaign launched Dec. 28, 2009 to minimize infant deaths. I imagine that many parents and parents-to-be, plus the family members and friends advising them, saw the billboard and formed opinions about how babies should sleep. Of course, these groups are very concerned about preventing sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Every reasonable parent thinks about it during the early months of parenthood.

The city’s dramatic, straightforward message drew criticism from James McKenna of the Mother-Child Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame and everyday parents. Lots of parents called during the topic’s discussion on the Joy Cardin radio show Jan. 26 on WPR. Some parents felt this campaign makes women feel worse about themselves, and incites guilt about a natural decision.

Among my circle of friends, I know several who have regularly shared their adult bed with a newborn. I’d say it’s so common as to be rampant. Some chose this path and others fell into it as a response to their child’s late-night waking.

While my husband and I didn’t share our bed with our newborn (known as bed-sharing), we did keep her bassinet in the room with us (known as room-sharing) for the first few weeks. I can understand the line of thinking that both bed-sharing and room-sharing are natural decisions. “Natural” in the sense of how families must have slept for thousands of years. “Natural” in the sense of how parents who research holistic topics often choose to keep their babies close, and purchase equipment to help make it safe. “Natural” in the sense of exhausted parents needing their own sleep and taking what seems to be the path of least resistance. (I remember falling asleep in a glider chair, our typical breastfeeding spot, when an illuminated billboard pasted on the nursery wall couldn’t have fended off my exhaustion.)

I was prepared to rail against the city’s campaign until I reviewed all the materials in preparation for this column. To my surprise, I found a second layer of the city’s message to be on target in its support of room-sharing. While the health department is shouting “No bed sharing!” with the billboards, it is whispering “Room sharing is good” in some circumstances. There’s no mention of room-sharing in a recent Milwaukee Courier article by Anna C. Benton, director of Family and Community Health Services for the Milwaukee Health Department, but she advocates the practice in a Journal Sentinel article.

Scroll down the milwaukee.gov/safesleep site and you’re advised to “Provide a separate but nearby sleeping environment, meaning: babies should share a room with their parents, but not a bed. The risk of SIDS is reduced when the infant sleeps in the same room as the mother.” I think that many people who saw only the billboard and not the website never heard this important aspect about reducing SIDS.

The health department should better promote this pro-room-sharing detail, and information about ways to safely share a bedroom. For years, it’s been a part of nationwide SIDS reduction efforts like the Back to Sleep campaign.

Unfortunately, the point probably won’t become a dramatic billboard, and many parents will never hear the message. Lots of them will keep bringing their infants into adult beds without information about how to make it safer.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com

The Cribs for Kids program provides Milwaukee families with portable cribs to help reduce deaths due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and unsafe sleep. Community professionals, such as a case worker or nurse, may refer families to the Milwaukee Cribs for Kids program by calling (414) 286-8620.

Less buying, more being

On these cold days, my mind wanders back to warm-weather outings to the lakefront. Last summer, my daughter and I regularly met friends at a local beach. I’m truly longing to recreate those hours we spent hanging out in the sun.

An empty beach is an easy, enjoyable outing. It’s easy to stay right there, in the moment, rather than allow my mind to swirl through the continual “to-do list.” Spotty cell phone coverage helps me stay focused on my daughter and our shared experience.

Another reason the beach is so fun is that we can get there by riding a bike or walking. Reasonably good beaches are accessible to Bay View homes by taking a significant stroll south from the pavilion at South Shore Park. (For drivers, it’s easy to park near the St. Francis border and walk down the pedestrian path.) To me, avoiding the car makes it more of an adventure.

Other summer memories are surfacing, too: viewing the Great Circus Parade, lingering over pancakes at a friend’s house, and watching my daughter laugh at ducks turning upside down in the water. None of these cost more than $5, and it seems that there’s a trend toward appreciating these things which don’t have SKU numbers and can’t be found on craigslist.

More Americans are focusing on experiences rather than purchases, according to a New York Times/CBS News poll. While the economic downturn caused some people to work more, a larger proportion are spending more time with family and friends, gardening, cooking, reading, watching television, and enjoying other hobbies. I think it’s awesome. While I would rather see television viewership decrease, I think almost any activity that replaces buying is helpful for our children.

A recent Department of Labor survey demonstrates that we’re gradually replacing time spent buying with time spent on other enjoyable activities. The average amount of time spent each weekday purchasing goods and services was 46 minutes in 2003 and ebbed to 43 minutes in 2008. Weekend shopping followed a similar pattern, going from 57 minutes to 55 minutes. Hopefully, more recent data from this American Time Use Survey will reflect a continued decrease.

The national trend blends nicely with Milwaukee’s long-held tradition of frugality described by Joanne Cleaver in Milwaukee magazine. Frugality is a trait Milwaukeeans would do well to perpetuate and pass down to our children. By frugality, I don’t mean fixating on how to obtain the best price on a sweater. Instead, I endorse trying to buy fewer sweaters and spending more time wearing our sweaters during meaningful experiences.

Those experiences might take place in our own kitchens, where we use an afternoon to bake something together. Or they might be as close as a few blocks away, where we visit the library together.

Spending less time buying nonessentials and even going so far as to redefine “nonessential” are wonderful.

This seems to be the right path for all Americans, especially parents. We benefit ourselves and our environment when we spend less time buying and more time being. It makes sense to me that experiences are more enjoyable for kids than goods-after all, most toddlers get cranky in stores, but it’s hard to find one who doesn’t like the park.

It’s February and we can’t really enjoy the beach. But sledding, playing with puppets in the library, and a host of other low-cost choices await. Let’s save our cash and create golden memories.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com. For archived American Time Use Surveys, see bls.gov/tus.

Baby’s firsts, Bay View style

Recording children’s “firsts” is a popular parental hobby. We’re encouraged by sentimental baby books that have pages for tracking the first smile, first steps, first zoo trip, and more. The list in my daughter’s baby book seems too generic.

Rather than the firsts that apply to any child across the country, I’m more interested in Bay View-specific firsts. They emphasize that Bay View is such a great place to raise a child. So here are some Baby View Firsts that I’m proud to mark, even though they aren’t in my daughter’s baby book.

First time accompanying parents out of the house, probably to a coffee shop like Anodyne or Sven’s. After long days and nights with a newborn daughter her first few months, sipping a steamed milk at Anodyne made me feel a little less like a zombie.

Chomping on a slice of local, non-franchise pizza. Depending on the parents’ style, kids enjoy a piece of pie from standby restaurants like De Marinis and Pietro’s or newcomers like Classic Slice or Transfer.  »Read more

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