Enjoying open play

Perhaps there’s nothing cuter to a toddler’s mother than watching the precious one run full speed toward dandelions, pick some, then rush to present them to her mom.

I enjoyed such a moment a few blocks from home at South Shore Park, absorbing echoes from my own childhood 15 miles away and many years ago. I was hit with the realization that my role had reversed, thinking, “Wow, I’m the mom now.” The pure joy in our daughter’s face and body language were off the meter, yet the activity was so simple and free.

My husband and I make a point of occasionally taking our daughter outside into nature that’s truly natural, not always going to playgrounds constructed simply for children’s amusement. There’s nothing wrong with playground play, but the design does present predetermined patterns and artificial limits not found in a grassy field. Bay View is a great place for enjoying parks because most of us live within walking distance of ample public open space at South Shore or Humboldt.

My parents endowed me with a love of the outdoors, and my understanding of its importance for children was bolstered by the documentary Where Do the Children Play? Soon after viewing the film, I decided to spend time at a park, but not the playground. Our outing ended in tears.

Our daughter’s most bitter crying seems to be after a disappointment, and not visiting the playground a few hundred yards away was deeply disappointing. Since then we’ve used different words to set the right expectation: the park doesn’t always mean the playground.

If I could embark on the open play endeavor again, I’d start at an unfamiliar park out of view of a playground. That’s easy at a big park like Humboldt (especially since the playground has been temporarily removed). Toddlers’ parents sometimes bring kids to little-used tennis courts like at Sijan Playfield because the kids can head any direction but are kept safe by the fences.

Creating positive associations for open, natural play also helps. Picnicking, or at least bringing a favorite snack, can ease kids into the habit. For the kids who are “runners,” meaning they seem to love to bolt away, a flat area is preferable to a hilly one. Flat areas also allow the kids to get a little farther from the parents (while staying far from traffic and other hazards) but remain in eyesight.

Our outings are usually very happy ones now. After putting on shoes and getting a diaper bag, we simply head to the park and see what happens: perhaps the dandelions have gone to seed and we can blow a few. Last year, squirrels running up trees were thrilling.

On these outings, I suppress the urge to intervene when my daughter starts to get bored. She always finds a stick or some other amusement and it’s always one of the adults who declares that it’s time to go home. The practice of letting her think of something to do has spilled into playtime at home when I don’t immediately suggest something new. I think it gives my daughter’s brain some idle time.

I hope she allows herself downtime: I want her to know that she can sit on a porch, not doing anything particular, just being. Maybe it will save her some of the migraines I’ve suffered.

Parenting has helped me realize that I’ve got serious nostalgic tendencies. I prefer Mary Jane style shoes to Crocs and books with watercolor illustrations over computer illustrations. To me the deepest pleasures are the enduring ones: the activities which could have pleased kids one, two, three, or more generations ago. Simple pleasures like chasing a butterfly, piling sticks, singing, even digging a hole; and indoor activities like reading books, building, coloring, and cooking and baking together. These don’t require much preparation or expense; instead, they require two precious commodities: time and attention.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

A global goal for maternal and child health

I was jealous of the French because I’d heard that French women can use municipal daycare or even get subsidies for in-home nannies.

I said so at a recent dinner conversation in which my friends and I lamented how far behind the United States lags the rest of the world in terms of government support for maternal care.

Curious, after the meal I did a web search to learn more about the situation for mothers and babies around the world. As I read one disturbing statistic after another, my jealousy turned to chagrin.

Now I realize how lucky my family and I are.

For example, in the World Health Organization’s Africa and Southeast Asia regions, fewer than 50 percent of all births are attended by a skilled worker. It’s a figure that literally dropped my jaw, and I would really doubt its validity if the source weren’t the WHO.

It’s hard to imagine going through such an intense experience without a skilled worker at the bedside. To not have anyone-what a contrast to my birthing experience. My support team grew and grew as complications arose, until about 10 skilled workers performed their roles in an emergency C-section. It’s scary to say, but my daughter or I might not have survived without them.

In preparation for my daughter’s delivery, I completed a birth plan indicating preferences like whether I’d bring music to help relax me. But the reality of many women is disturbingly far from minimal maternal comfort or “having the type of delivery I want.”

The WHO reports that roughly two million lives are lost every year due to childbirth complications. More women are getting skilled help during their deliveries, but considering the scale of the issue that trend is small comfort.

In Bay View, my biggest worry is messier-than-usual diapers. People around the world struggle just to feed their children. Theirs is not a struggle to find healthy food, it’s a struggle to find any food. The consequences of failing in this struggle are awful: undernutrition causes about one-third of children’s deaths around the world.

With the World Cup concluding this month in South Africa, I turned to that country’s statistics to compare them with Milwaukee’s.

South Africa’s infant mortality rate was 48 per 1,000 live births, compared with Milwaukee’s rate of 9.8 per 1,000 births. The South Africa data are from 2008 and Milwaukee’s figure comes from 2007 information, the most current available.

My mind turns to a morbid sports-minded comparison: We’re winning. Our kids are healthier.

But there’s trouble here in Milwaukee. The numbers show that the percent of children underweight at birth, a major health factor, is about the same here and in South Africa. South Africa’s 2003 figure exactly matches Milwaukee County’s 9 percent reported in the 2010 County Health Rankings.

In our city, there’s a major racial disparity for infant mortality rates. The fewest deaths are among Hispanics, with 5.3 per 1,000 live births. For non-Hispanic whites, the figure is 6.2 deaths per 1,000 live births. For blacks, it’s 14.2, which adds up to a disparity the city Health Department is working to improve.

I’m also compelled to try to fix this, but I don’t know how to help other than share the numbers and donate to the WHO. It’s such a big issue.

That’s why a global partnership of organizations launched the Countdown to 2015 initiative in 2005. Its goal is to reduce child mortality and increase maternal health, measuring progress toward that goal in country-specific statistical reports.

I just wish the world turned its attention to this issue with the same fervor afforded to World Cup soccer.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

For worldwide maternal, newborn, and infant health care conditions, go to countdown2015mnch.org and click on reports.

For statistical health comparisons within the United States, go to countyhealthrankings.org.

For Milwaukee County infant mortality information, go to milwaukee.gov/WomenandChildHealth23777/InfantMortality.htm.

Going beyond the breastfeeding bill

As a nursing mom, I was painfully aware of being a novice. Despite having taken an evening class at the hospital to help me prepare, I struggled at first and felt unsure how to act in some situations, especially in public.

One particularly memorable feeding during my 11 months of nursing was at Mayfair Mall. I didn’t plan to be shopping long enough to need to feed our daughter, but there I was. I had never been to a mall with another nursing mom and had no idea where to find a comfortable spot. In the preparatory class, we were encouraged with a poem about “nursing anywhere,” but I didn’t know what would be appropriate and relaxing.

I considered taking our daughter out to the car, which I knew would be a squish for my tall frame, but decided to first ask at the customer service station. I was a little hesitant to walk up to a stranger and refer to my breasts, however obliquely. The man directed me to a department store’s lounge, which worked out well.

This spring, our governor signed a breastfeeding bill which stipulates a fine up to $200 for someone who harasses a nursing woman by telling her to cover up.

I think people who aren’t parents, or whose kids are more mature, should still encourage breastfeeding because health officials say it’s ideal for babies and mothers. Plus, anything that may help lower health care costs gets my vote. The new law is a great step and I think society could make nursing even easier.

Many nursing moms do not consume alcohol, but they can get tired of soda and seek something more festive. Many establishments do carry at least one non-alcoholic beer, but they could offer more fun, non-alcoholic beverages. One of the many alcohol-free wines now on the market would be appealing, and sparkling juice would be a reasonable alternative. These beverages feel fun without seeming childish. They would have broader appeal to all those abstaining.

Venues like malls could make good nursing facilities available and obvious. Directories could use a symbol to indicate good nursing locations with the understanding that women are free to nurse anywhere they find comfortable.

Our state’s rest areas could have a special area for nursing moms. I’ve tried to nurse in the passenger seat of a parked car and it’s no picnic, especially as the child gets heavier. (Try holding 10 pounds at chest level for a few minutes.)

Events that draw lots of families could have a designated nursing area, which I envision as a quieter location with comfortable chairs and ample drinking water. The only store I’ve ever seen with a nursing room is a Babies R Us in Brookfield, which has a few rocking chairs, magazines, and a diaper changing table near the restrooms. For stores that have the space, a special room wouldn’t require much overhead expense.

Even outdoor events that draw families with young children could get in the act. I envision a few rocking chairs and a table with a pitcher of water at places like the farmers market or Chill on the Hill.

Doctors routinely screen both the mom and fetus for many issues, but I haven’t heard of a check for nursing readiness. Some problems could be headed off by doctors or nurses making quick, non-invasive checks for treatable conditions in mothers planning to breastfeed. It would have saved me some pains.

Of course, we’d know things were really changing if Victoria’s Secret were compelled to offer a black, lacy nursing bra.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

What kind of parent does media make?

Each week, I record the show Dancing with the Stars to watch when I can find time to flop on the living room couch. I often find time on Tuesday nights after our daughter is sleeping. I enjoy the regular “brain break” that doesn’t spur thoughts about something I’d like to research or ponder.

After I watch the dancing show and the next-day results show, I’d have to watch over 30 more hours of video to keep up with the average American, according to Nielsen data. I’d also need to watch video on smaller screens to keep with the average consumption on computers and mobile devices, then log in for four hours of surfing.

With Mother’s Day this month and Father’s Day next month, I am thinking about modern parenting in the media. Parents aren’t looking too great these days, and reality shows are often catching them uttering outbursts at wits’ end. Of course, mistakes and mishaps keep the shows interesting.

Whether fiction, reality, or somewhere in between, today’s portrayals of parents are often of society’s oddities like unusually big families. The Duggars have an astounding 19 children. Jon and Kate Gosselin, who are currently separated, raise twins and sextuplets. Octomom Nadya Suleman was a regular topic on TV and radaronline.com. It’s easy to find families at the brink of disaster like those featured on over 100 episodes of SuperNanny.

Even cartoon parents are a bit off-kilter. On the long-running The Simpsons, dad Homer is often so upset that he strangles his son Bart, albeit comically.

Audiences are tuning in to new shows like The Good Wife, whose premise is a wife coping with the results of her husband’s public scandals, far from straightforward families like the Cleavers or Cosbys. Those parents seemed challenged by raising kids, yet not stressed or overloaded, and I’m hard pressed to think of similar parents in the media today. I spent part of last month peppering friends and family members for their nominees, and all of them struggled to think of suggestions.

Many current shows don’t resolve a problem in a single episode the way the Cleavers did. On Parenthood, challenges like a son being kicked out of school continue through multiple episodes. The effect is a lack of closure as problems fester rather than reach a tidy resolution by the episode’s end.

Knowing that so many families are in such dire straits that they need a SuperNanny-style intervention from an outsider probably makes parents feel better in comparison. Reading a blog from a mom who swore at her children in the heat of the moment might make us feel relieved that we’re not the only ones who’ve said something really regrettable. Given that kids are watching, too, this balm might come at the cost of impacting children’s impressions about how to parent and the power balance between children and adults.

Glowing screens are so pervasive in most households that the nonprofit Common Sense Media (commonsensemedia.org) considers media “the other parent.” The idea seems a bit jarring at first, but given that surveys reveal that even preschoolers (ages 2 to 5) spend an average of 25 hours per week watching TV, it’s a reasonable belief.

Parents need to unplug and treat kids to a reality show starring the folks in the living room.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Discovering green child care

Dong. Piiing. Beep. Beep. Beep. The soundtrack to modern childhood seems electronic. The amount of gadgetry for wee ones is astounding, and so much of it is powered by batteries and encased in Chinese-made plastic.

Our daughter seems to have fewer toys than many children I encounter, and I’m sometimes dizzied by the playrooms of other tots. Some kids seem to be wading in noisy, attention-grabbing toys. Our preference for wood or cloth toys meshes with an overall eco-friendly attitude. Fewer plastic, electronic noisemakers cause fewer batteries to need charging or trashing. Many people who subscribe to this line of thinking also strive to minimize television viewing and limit toxins absorbed through food, cleaners, pesticides, and other sources. These parents naturally seek child care that reflects these values.

When I searched for a daycare provider last August, I found myself talking with a stranger whom I suddenly wanted to hug. Not only did she have a part-time slot open in her care for three kids, she described her interest in minimizing plastic toys and serving primarily organic food. These are two “green” ideals our family follows and I lucked into finding child care just right for us.

Local families seeking eco-friendly daycare have no list to select from and Wisconsin has no formal definition of green child care. Programs do exist elsewhere. Indiana’s Department of Environmental Management has a three-tiered system of ranking childcare providers based on eco-friendliness. Since 2005, the nonprofit Oregon Environmental Council has operated an Eco-Healthy Childcare Program.

The principles involve educating families on eco-friendly practices and minimizing toxins from sources like art supplies and household chemicals. Oregon’s council shares information with childcare providers about avoiding chlorine bleach and replacing it with peroxide-based bleach, quaternary ammonium salts, or borax. On the food front, kids might snack on berries and drink water rather than eating jelly-filled snack bars and sipping sugary drinks. Instead of passively watching a video, kids in eco-friendly child care might scribble with Crayola crayons approved by the Art & Creative Materials Institute.

Childcare programs anywhere in North America can get endorsed by the Oregon Environmental Council’s program and over 1,300 have done so. Seven are in Wisconsin but none are in metro Milwaukee, so parents can’t simply click to find local green choices.

One Howard Avenue provider is affiliated with LifeWays House Childcare, part of a network that offers training for caregivers based on natural principles and research by Austrian philosopher Rudolf Steiner. The network is described at lifewaysnorthamerica.org.

I have identified three other green childcare providers in Bay View, but they are under-the-radar places without websites or business cards. Two bear names: green babies childcare and Bay View Ecokids, while the third is too informal to operate under a name. Customers are friends, neighbors, or people who got word-of-mouth referrals. Patrons are willing and able to afford the premium of roughly $10 per full day for the green approach.

Bay View’s eco-friendly providers seem genuinely green. They say they’ve chosen their philosophies based on their beliefs, rather than to ride the green surge and market to more parents.

Ginger Georger, who operates the Howard Avenue LifeWays, obtained formal training at the LifeWays in Riverwest but finds the approach natural. “I think I’m doing what any healthy home is doing right now…I just run my child care like I run my home,” she said.

Childcare arrangements like these take children a step closer to the childhood of the past, when “open play time” without electronic beeps was normal. I’m glad these places reach back to a time when chemical-free food was de rigueur, before it needed the special label “organic.”

I hope green child care develops into a lasting effect of the green trend, for the health of us all.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Share a room with your baby

One day in January, I was driving home from my parents’ house in that contented state of piloting a familiar route with light traffic. But a billboard on Oklahoma Avenue near the U.S. Post Office jolted me into annoyance.

The image replaced the headboard on an adult bed with a tombstone inscribed “FOR TOO MANY BABIES LAST YEAR, THIS WAS THEIR FINAL RESTING PLACE.” Below that was the statement, “The safest place is in a crib. City of Milwaukee Health Department milwaukee.gov/safesleep.” The image remains available at that website, but the Oklahoma Avenue billboard is no longer on display.

This dramatic billboard was part of the Milwaukee Health Department’s campaign launched Dec. 28, 2009 to minimize infant deaths. I imagine that many parents and parents-to-be, plus the family members and friends advising them, saw the billboard and formed opinions about how babies should sleep. Of course, these groups are very concerned about preventing sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Every reasonable parent thinks about it during the early months of parenthood.

The city’s dramatic, straightforward message drew criticism from James McKenna of the Mother-Child Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame and everyday parents. Lots of parents called during the topic’s discussion on the Joy Cardin radio show Jan. 26 on WPR. Some parents felt this campaign makes women feel worse about themselves, and incites guilt about a natural decision.

Among my circle of friends, I know several who have regularly shared their adult bed with a newborn. I’d say it’s so common as to be rampant. Some chose this path and others fell into it as a response to their child’s late-night waking.

While my husband and I didn’t share our bed with our newborn (known as bed-sharing), we did keep her bassinet in the room with us (known as room-sharing) for the first few weeks. I can understand the line of thinking that both bed-sharing and room-sharing are natural decisions. “Natural” in the sense of how families must have slept for thousands of years. “Natural” in the sense of how parents who research holistic topics often choose to keep their babies close, and purchase equipment to help make it safe. “Natural” in the sense of exhausted parents needing their own sleep and taking what seems to be the path of least resistance. (I remember falling asleep in a glider chair, our typical breastfeeding spot, when an illuminated billboard pasted on the nursery wall couldn’t have fended off my exhaustion.)

I was prepared to rail against the city’s campaign until I reviewed all the materials in preparation for this column. To my surprise, I found a second layer of the city’s message to be on target in its support of room-sharing. While the health department is shouting “No bed sharing!” with the billboards, it is whispering “Room sharing is good” in some circumstances. There’s no mention of room-sharing in a recent Milwaukee Courier article by Anna C. Benton, director of Family and Community Health Services for the Milwaukee Health Department, but she advocates the practice in a Journal Sentinel article.

Scroll down the milwaukee.gov/safesleep site and you’re advised to “Provide a separate but nearby sleeping environment, meaning: babies should share a room with their parents, but not a bed. The risk of SIDS is reduced when the infant sleeps in the same room as the mother.” I think that many people who saw only the billboard and not the website never heard this important aspect about reducing SIDS.

The health department should better promote this pro-room-sharing detail, and information about ways to safely share a bedroom. For years, it’s been a part of nationwide SIDS reduction efforts like the Back to Sleep campaign.

Unfortunately, the point probably won’t become a dramatic billboard, and many parents will never hear the message. Lots of them will keep bringing their infants into adult beds without information about how to make it safer.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com

The Cribs for Kids program provides Milwaukee families with portable cribs to help reduce deaths due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and unsafe sleep. Community professionals, such as a case worker or nurse, may refer families to the Milwaukee Cribs for Kids program by calling (414) 286-8620.

Less buying, more being

On these cold days, my mind wanders back to warm-weather outings to the lakefront. Last summer, my daughter and I regularly met friends at a local beach. I’m truly longing to recreate those hours we spent hanging out in the sun.

An empty beach is an easy, enjoyable outing. It’s easy to stay right there, in the moment, rather than allow my mind to swirl through the continual “to-do list.” Spotty cell phone coverage helps me stay focused on my daughter and our shared experience.

Another reason the beach is so fun is that we can get there by riding a bike or walking. Reasonably good beaches are accessible to Bay View homes by taking a significant stroll south from the pavilion at South Shore Park. (For drivers, it’s easy to park near the St. Francis border and walk down the pedestrian path.) To me, avoiding the car makes it more of an adventure.

Other summer memories are surfacing, too: viewing the Great Circus Parade, lingering over pancakes at a friend’s house, and watching my daughter laugh at ducks turning upside down in the water. None of these cost more than $5, and it seems that there’s a trend toward appreciating these things which don’t have SKU numbers and can’t be found on craigslist.

More Americans are focusing on experiences rather than purchases, according to a New York Times/CBS News poll. While the economic downturn caused some people to work more, a larger proportion are spending more time with family and friends, gardening, cooking, reading, watching television, and enjoying other hobbies. I think it’s awesome. While I would rather see television viewership decrease, I think almost any activity that replaces buying is helpful for our children.

A recent Department of Labor survey demonstrates that we’re gradually replacing time spent buying with time spent on other enjoyable activities. The average amount of time spent each weekday purchasing goods and services was 46 minutes in 2003 and ebbed to 43 minutes in 2008. Weekend shopping followed a similar pattern, going from 57 minutes to 55 minutes. Hopefully, more recent data from this American Time Use Survey will reflect a continued decrease.

The national trend blends nicely with Milwaukee’s long-held tradition of frugality described by Joanne Cleaver in Milwaukee magazine. Frugality is a trait Milwaukeeans would do well to perpetuate and pass down to our children. By frugality, I don’t mean fixating on how to obtain the best price on a sweater. Instead, I endorse trying to buy fewer sweaters and spending more time wearing our sweaters during meaningful experiences.

Those experiences might take place in our own kitchens, where we use an afternoon to bake something together. Or they might be as close as a few blocks away, where we visit the library together.

Spending less time buying nonessentials and even going so far as to redefine “nonessential” are wonderful.

This seems to be the right path for all Americans, especially parents. We benefit ourselves and our environment when we spend less time buying and more time being. It makes sense to me that experiences are more enjoyable for kids than goods-after all, most toddlers get cranky in stores, but it’s hard to find one who doesn’t like the park.

It’s February and we can’t really enjoy the beach. But sledding, playing with puppets in the library, and a host of other low-cost choices await. Let’s save our cash and create golden memories.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com. For archived American Time Use Surveys, see bls.gov/tus.

Baby’s firsts, Bay View style

Recording children’s “firsts” is a popular parental hobby. We’re encouraged by sentimental baby books that have pages for tracking the first smile, first steps, first zoo trip, and more. The list in my daughter’s baby book seems too generic.

Rather than the firsts that apply to any child across the country, I’m more interested in Bay View-specific firsts. They emphasize that Bay View is such a great place to raise a child. So here are some Baby View Firsts that I’m proud to mark, even though they aren’t in my daughter’s baby book.

First time accompanying parents out of the house, probably to a coffee shop like Anodyne or Sven’s. After long days and nights with a newborn daughter her first few months, sipping a steamed milk at Anodyne made me feel a little less like a zombie.

Chomping on a slice of local, non-franchise pizza. Depending on the parents’ style, kids enjoy a piece of pie from standby restaurants like De Marinis and Pietro’s or newcomers like Classic Slice or Transfer.  »Read more

Virus infects daily life

There are some phrases I never want to hear come through my cell phone. “You’ve got to take her to the emergency room” is high on the list. But that’s what I heard one recent night as I stood in our living room. Nearby were my husband and very hot daughter. My toddler’s body had heated to 105.7.

She was wearing only a shirt and diaper. The nurse on the phone instructed my husband to take off her T-shirt to help her cool down. I grabbed the diaper bag, a banana, and books before we got into the car for a tense drive to the emergency room.

On the way, dramatically heavy rain and lightning seemed as though directed by Shakespeare. I was too consumed by fear to say more than “I’m scared.” Our daughter’s backseat banter reflected a normal mood, which was some reassurance.

We checked in behind a boy who bumped his head and I showed our insurance card and provided a credit card for the $100 payment. Then we got the scary instruction: “Let us know right away if she starts convulsing.”

The waiting room was surprisingly full and included some adults in medical masks. The masks added to the eeriness, as did public address announcements about the severe weather.

The triage nurse summoned us and we talked through our daughter’s symptoms. Then we settled in for more waiting and fretting.

My mind wandered back over the past few days, looking for a culprit who passed their illness to our daughter. (Was it that sip of shared apple juice at Elegant Farmer?) I also thought about whom our daughter might have contaminated. These were new ways to evaluate our friends and family.

Despite being feverish, our daughter was playful and interested in the hospital’s toys. Germ concerns made us reluctant to let her touch them. After an hour, fatigue caused us to give in and I made a mental note to “sanitize” her afterward.

She remained happy and her fever ebbed toward a more reasonable temperature. Eventually it was our turn to see another nurse, then a doctor.

The doctor explained that she was suffering from a virus, possibly H1N1. We had already concluded the same thing. Our instructions were to offer plenty of fluids and administer over-the-counter fever reducers. That made sense but it felt unsettling to head home without a more tangible diagnosis.

The following days brought ups and downs but our daughter returned to normal health while my husband and I both got fevers and fatigue. It took over a month, but we all eventually emerged with our usual energy levels. The most lasting effect was my attitude toward germs.

I’m more cautious now about transmitting germs in both directions: to me and from me. I don’t use my own teaspoon to stir our daughter’s food because I might be carrying something contagious. The virus has annoyingly pervaded the most heartwarming traditions. Kisses between family members and blowing out birthday candles are tinged with unease. Even if I don’t feel sick, I know I could be harboring an illness and passing it along.

At checkout lanes, the credit card stylus gives me the creeps. I envision a previous customer covering their cough with a hand, then transferring the germs via the stylus.

I recognize that some of my germ avoidance tactics aren’t totally logical, and that recognition makes me sympathetic to other people’s illogical reactions. My grandparents must have dealt with similar-probably more intense-wariness during the worst U.S. polio outbreak. Decades later, my mom remembers avoiding the public pool as a precaution.

As 2009 ebbs away, my friends and I will keep buzzing about whether we’ve gotten our kids vaccinated and who is ill. We’ll compare notes on whether we are still going to playgroups or sticking closer to home. I imagine the virus will keep infecting our thoughts in the new year.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Attention readers: We are seeking Bay View’s Baby New Year. I’d like to recognize the first baby born or adopted in Bay View in 2010. If a new little life enters your home in early 2010, please send the announcement to me at the email above or via postal mail to the Compass.

Holiday sanity, relatively speaking

Doors across Bay View will soon swing open to welcome relatives. One step inside the threshold, they will gather youngsters in their arms for a welcoming snuggle. The children will inevitably be described as “getting so big.” To me, it’s heartwarming to think that this small routine has probably happened in our very home many times in the lives of previous owners during the last 95 years.

Friends and families will settle in with one another for a few hours to a few days. During that time, guests are likely to notice parents’ habits and some of those habits might be perplexing. Guests without children are most likely to privately wonder, “Why do they do that?” I have been a mom for two years, but can conjure up the mindset of my pre-parent days. In the spirit of interpersonal understanding and pleasant holidays, I’m examining a short list of weird habits of parents of young kids.  »Read more

Child care costs are high

Debate is whirling about the cost of medical insurance, but I’m not paying attention. Instead, I’m distracted by the expense of child care. After staying home with our daughter for almost two years, I got a job offer and launched a quick search for a child care arrangement. I had to find a safe, stimulating environment for our toddler before I could settle in at my 20-hour-per-week job at a downtown office.

My quest began with a networking contact: I remembered a man from my church mentioning that his daughter was opening a small day care just off Kinnickinnic Avenue. I emailed him and for once, I was lucky. A set of parents had just canceled their reservation and my fellow churchgoer’s daughter had an opening.

My husband and I left some voicemail messages while we pursued comparisons, including a listing from the classified section of this paper.

I did find a great situation but paying for it significantly reduces my net pay. Locally, the fee for a part-time day care slot is about $50 per day. The cost doesn’t seem too painful until the totals start rolling in. Annually, my husband and I expect to spend over $5,000 for part-time child care. That’s about normal because the Children’s Defense Fund reports that the average cost in Wisconsin for a 4-year-old in full-time child care is over $10,500.

These fees seem high, and it’s not just my imagination. Child care costs here are trending high.

Child care costs are most reasonably considered relative to wages because the service is necessary when parents are employed. Wisconsin ranks ninth highest in the nation for the price of infant child care relative to wages-with child care costs consuming 13.5 percent of the median two-parent family income or 44.2 percent of median single-parent family income. That’s according to the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies in their 2009 report.

The association also points out that child care costs are exceeding the rate of inflation. It doesn’t look good for the upcoming years because the current baby boom should keep both demand and prices high. We might expect the same locally as Bay View seems bursting with babies.

Getting a Slot

Perhaps I should feel privileged to pay a child care bill because it means we obtained a slot. Most child care centers have waiting lists; shockingly, some are years long. Local lore includes parents who registered newborns that got off the waiting list as toddlers. When I was pregnant, I had assumed the child care crunch was a problem in larger cities like New York. It turns out the child care crunch is alive and real in Bay View. Searching for child care sometimes reminds me of our home renovation days. Then, my husband or I would leave voicemail for a drywaller or electrician and get no response. Some child care centers are so busy that weeks go by before they can return a call. Then, the caller can only offer a tour and wait-list slot.

I’ve taken to telling pregnant friends that they need to get on a list-or maybe two because a backup always helps-if they plan to use a child care center.

I’m tempted to go for a poetic finish which describes the true costs of part-time work: the traumatized child or the distraught mom consumed by her child’s well-being. But that isn’t my reality. Our situation is going well and the real expense is “just” money. We should keep that in mind as we write the weekly child care check.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Remembering cooking from scratch

Both of my grandmothers bequeathed fascinating cookbooks to me. It’s comforting to know their hands turned the pages that now carry the musty tinge of decades-old paper. One of them is a gathering of recipes from fellow churchgoers including little rhymes and sketches to fill blank areas. It invokes what might seem a less harried life, but the reality is that Grandma found time to cook quantities sufficient to sustain a farm family and managed lots of other chores. When I feel worn out by another round of dishes, it’s humbling to remember she managed without a dishwasher or other modern timesavers.  »Read more

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