Holiday sanity, relatively speaking

Doors across Bay View will soon swing open to welcome relatives. One step inside the threshold, they will gather youngsters in their arms for a welcoming snuggle. The children will inevitably be described as “getting so big.” To me, it’s heartwarming to think that this small routine has probably happened in our very home many times in the lives of previous owners during the last 95 years.

Friends and families will settle in with one another for a few hours to a few days. During that time, guests are likely to notice parents’ habits and some of those habits might be perplexing. Guests without children are most likely to privately wonder, “Why do they do that?” I have been a mom for two years, but can conjure up the mindset of my pre-parent days. In the spirit of interpersonal understanding and pleasant holidays, I’m examining a short list of weird habits of parents of young kids. 

Over-sharing We parents might be guilty of broadcasting overly personal details when we, for example, talk about dirty diapers at mealtimes. Nonparents may not realize that by the time a baby is just a year old, we’ve changed over 3,000 diapers. We’ve talked about our baby with medical professionals and learned not to waste time being demure. Having my body in full view of about a dozen people during my C-section went a long way in desensitizing me. So did learning to breastfeed, while my husband joked that so many people came in to help. Thus, we parents are desensitized and proceed to talk about unappealing topics. Relatives who alert us when we’re ruining appetites should be thanked.

Nap vigilance I used to wonder, “What’s all the fuss about napping at specific times?” I thought children could just catch up on sleep later. This was before I’ve seen an all-out meltdown fueled by exhaustion-before I had driven from New Berlin to Bay View with a daughter wailing in a car seat most of the way. Fitting a nap in later just doesn’t work for most kids on most days, and relatives who don’t want to witness anguish are wise not to push their luck.

Ten-minute tardiness At a baby shower, my friend gave me a card that said, “You’ll never be on time for anything.” In fact, my family does arrive on time, but I have redefined “on time” to mean within 10 minutes. Having a child adds a wild card to daily life, especially getting out of the house on time. For us, diaper needs or long naps occasionally make us late. For others, struggles over coats and mittens cause fits and delays. I’ve read that parents need to learn to think about “load time” instead of “departure time.” Relatives, for their part, need to let tardiness slide. If necessary, begin meals without us because parents are probably accustomed to lukewarm meals.

Juice restriction I am sure that my relatives wonder why I sigh when I see an empty apple juice carton. “Isn’t that what kids drink?” they wonder. In parenting books and magazines, 100-percent juice has been downgraded because it can be difficult to digest, sometimes curbs appetites for solid foods, and does not provide any significant amount of fat, minerals, protein, or vitamins except C. Our doctors tell us to think of juice not as a staple but as a treat like a cookie, and suggest watering it down. Rather than risk the wrath of Healthy Mom, relatives will just offer water. They certainly won’t sneak juice to a toddler when Healthy Mom is in another room!

Pronoun avoidance Being a rampant eavesdropper and someone who thinks about grammar, I always noticed that parents of young talkers avoid saying “I” and “me.” They reword their sentences to eliminate pronouns and tell their kids things like “Give that to Mommy” instead of “Give that to me.” I thought the parents must have lost their sense of themselves when they had a child. Now that I’m a parent, this old view of mine seems laughably misconstrued. Having a more plausible grasp of children’s language skills, I realize they don’t easily understand pronouns. Last month, I had a confusing round with my daughter who said “me” but meant “you.” The Sesame Street character Elmo seems wise to avoid “I” and “me” and we parents fall in line. By the end of Thanksgiving weekend, many a relative will be doing the same.

By keeping a sense of our own fallibility, we can keep our holiday households pleasant–relatively speaking.

The author is a freelance writer and mother of one. Reach her with comments or suggestions at jill@bayviewcompass.com.

Attention readers: We are seeking Bay View’s Baby New Year. I’d like to recognize the first baby born or adopted in Bay View in 2010. If a new little life enters your home in early 2010, please send the announcement to me at the email above or via postal mail to the Compass.